Curious about Single Life/Flirting in France/Looking for Sistas
Q. Dear Christyann,
I am an African American woman. I am curious about the single life in Paris. I plan to visit Paris and a few others countries in the near future. I would appreciate receiving some insight on the dating scene in Paris. Is it difficult for women of color to meet men of color in Paris? Single women find it difficult to meet eligible men in the United States. Are the chances of meeting men in Paris better than the States?
Ella
(Location not disclosed)
A. Dear Ella,
The single dating scene in Paris, as in other European countries, is very different from our scene here in the US. While it would take a response far too long for me to explain here in detail, may I suggest first that before you go to France read the following book:
Culture Shock! France: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette by Sally Adamson Taylor.
The biggest difficulty facing many Americans dating abroad is a lack of cultural understanding. Dating difficulty can be a result of many factors, but if you do not speak French well, or understand how single people relate to one another in certain settings, it will only make the prospect of creating a relationship harder.
As for whether it is difficult meeting men-of-color in France, the simple answer is, no. They are plentiful. The more complicated answer to that question being there is no guarantee that sharing the same ethnic background will mean that you will share the same worldviews. Thus, dating a man-of-color born in a foreign country can be just as difficult, culturally, as dating a man of another race.
*****
Q. Dear Christyann,
What are the rules of flirting in France? How do you tell the difference between innocent flirting and flirting because the person is interested in you?
R. B.
A. Dear R. B.,
The rules of flirting in France are as follows: You are a woman he is a man. C’est tout! The French regard flirting as a skill, and when done properly it is a powerful tool of communication. Flirting can show that you are interested in a person, as a form of appreciation, or simply just for fun. In other words, flirting is as much a part of communication in France as is the art of conversation and rarely is it meant to “lead to” anything.
French people, in general, tend to take long-term romantic relationships rather seriously. They take their time getting to know the person of interest. Therefore, “casual” situations that include lots of flirting will generally be just that, casual.
So if you find that a Frenchman is ‘’flirting’’ with you, chances are he is merely letting you know that he finds you fascinating, or attractive, or both. Nothing more, nothing less. Remember, married men, and single men in France all flirt. It is part of their culture. While it may seem confusing to an American woman as to where this will “lead”, it is not confusing to the French at all.
It is always wise to remember that the French are influenced by 1500 years of sensuous traditions. They remain arrogant in their satisfaction with what we see as their cultural ‘’idiosyncrasies’’, and are not bothered with of how the rest of the world views their actions. So, when in France, relax, and enjoy the flirtatious ride.
*****
Q. I am a single African-American male traveling to Paris. Increasingly, I am finding it more difficult to meet ‘’sistas’’ with a similar world-view. I travel abroad regularly and want to know more about African Americans living in Paris and where I may be able to meet ‘’sistas’’ with stimulating conversation. What do you suggest?
Dellvin W.
Binghamton, NY
A. Dear Dellvin,
While in Paris, I met many African American women who not only traveled abroad frequently, but also were quite adept at conversing about their worldviews. You should have no problem finding women who share your views while visiting the City of Light. If you are traveling abroad regularly and have found that you have not met any of these women, perhaps I may suggest that you look into joining some networking groups in Paris. The American Church in Paris may be a good place to contact concerning local events where you can meet other like-minded African American women. Also, try to frequent some of the English language bookshops and check their events calendars for upcoming events.
There is no end to the number of interesting things to do in Paris, and I am confident that you will find many fascinating African American women with whom you can share your love of travel.
• Thursday, November 29th, 2007
