Q. Dear Christiann,

Are Frenchmen really gentlemen? I’ve heard otherwise. Beverly T. (Dallas, TX)

A. Dear Beverly, What exactly do you mean when you say ‘’Gentlemen'’? Everyone has a different concept of what may constitute gentlemanly behavior. Some manners that may seem gallant and charming to the French, may not seem so to an American woman. The more education one has, and the more exposure to an upbringing where proper etiquette is stressed, the more one may behave in a fashion deemed ‘’gentleman-like'’ to others.

The French have their share of good and bad characters just like every other culture, so it is best to decide what kinds of actions you value and look for like-minded individuals. You will find them, even in an ‘’anything goes'’ city like Paris.

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I just got my first ‘’date'’ invitation from a French boy in one of my classes here in Paris. I’ve never dated a Frenchman before, and I don’t know where we should go or do. Any suggestions? I’m 23 years old, African-American, but I’m not that into nightclubbing.   Yvette F. (Paris, France)

A. Dear Yvette,
I think the perfect first-date should take place in a setting where you can talk with each other without having to scream over music or other distracting noises. If other people will be joining you for the afternoon or evening, then an intimate, but not secluded cafe might be a nice way to start.   However, the best advice I can give you is to discuss the planned event together, and decide on a setting that will suit you both. Have fun!

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I’ve just accepted a dinner date with a handsome Frenchman I met at a gallery exhibition in Paris. I consider myself an independent American woman and usually prefer paying my own way. But I don’t know what the dating situation is in foreign cultures, particularly in France. Does the man pay? Or does the woman? Thanks!  Diane R-J (Paris, France)

A. Dear Diane,

OH, LA LA! This is such a murky area, and a good question too! The answer to this question depends on so many different factors that it may be impossible for me to give you a complete answer. But I will try my best. . .

The first thing depends on your ‘’age'’ group. Younger French people (20 to 30 year olds) are more modern in their behavior when it comes to dating and communicationf. However, France is a rather male-oriented society that has its roots deeply embedded in a rich history that is sexist at its base. While things are changing, even as we speak, it is not unusual to find younger French men who hold somewhat traditional ideas about a woman’s role in the society that may seem outdated and old-fashioned to many American women.

Older French men (40 years and older) of a certain social standing will generally assume the more traditional male/female standards and pay for the evening. But, and this is a very big ‘’BUT'’ - there are other complicated issues to consider when an older Frenchman asks an unknown woman out for the evening. The French do not generally speak with strangers and they are reluctant to ask a woman out unless they have been introduced through a trusted friend or family member. So unless you are absolutely certain that this man is #1. Single, or legally seperated from his partner, and #2. Sincerely interested in JUST having dinner with you, and nothing else - then I would suggest extreme caution when accepting an invitation from an unknown Frenchman whom you just met casually.